I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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