I feel like abortions should bother me more
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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