We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
