you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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