the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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