so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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