The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why do cheetos always look like penises
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
