I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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