i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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