Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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