Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
