That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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