maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
