just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
