So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
