I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
