My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
