Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
