hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this just has baby written all over it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
