I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
