I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
