I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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