Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
