yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
