I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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