textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
