Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
