Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
