does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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