we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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