I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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