And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
