I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
