Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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