hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She told me I should be a condom model.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
