Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
