Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
