my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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