Jerry, you need to find god
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drunk is not a location!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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