Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I cockslap morals
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
