Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
