Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
