false alarm. still invincible.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
