apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
