She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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