Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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