It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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