I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
