Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
