I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
