who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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