you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
