the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
