i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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