I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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