So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
