God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
