Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
