well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
