You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
