This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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