Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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