If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
