Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He felt like a one man threesome
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
