just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
