i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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