he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love having hate sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
