Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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