Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
