Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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