You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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