how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just google imaged poop.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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