i'm signing you up for texting rehab
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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