Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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