that's an acceptable place to lick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
