So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
