i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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