I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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