I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
