mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
