We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
