i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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