Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Randomize
