Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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