Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
