jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.