well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?