Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.