I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
