Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
