Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
