Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
