Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
