what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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